NFL Indoors? Why?
Dan Ryan
Saturday July 14, 2001
I talked to Storm owner Woody Kern a couple weeks ago and he told me that the NFL deal with the AFL is proceeding slowly but surely and something will break in either September or October. Listen to me -- I know this guy, he told me this – it’s so Peter Vecseyish, which is fitting because I have the same level of charisma Mr. NBA Insider has on TV.
Anyhow, my other sources say the deal does call for the NFL to exercise its right to buy up to 49.9 percent of the league, even though the folks in Chicago will have settle for something in the 25 percent range. And one part of the deal that looks strong is the renaming of the AFL to NFL Indoors
Ka-Thunk.
That thud you just heard came from outside Chicago, where Kevin Sheller just kicked himself for not taking advantage of the Network Solutions 2-for-1 sale when he could have secured the NFLindoorsfan.com domain.
Granted, there is still time remaining, and the renaming decision may take as long as an instant replay reversal. As we speak, there’s probably some Walter Mitty type copyright lawyers in the NFL office going over every minute detail, even checking the intellectual property rights Mother Goose would have on the jack and jill linebacker terminology.
NFL Indoors? In the immortal words of Annie Lennox, why?
Just slapping the NFL name on anything doesn’t mean instant fame and fortune. You ever play that NFL Blitz video game? Yeah, it’s cool, but Madden’s better and all you have is variant of a WWF smackdown except that it’s the Patriots and the Vikings doing the bodyslamming. Then we have NFL Europe, which might as well be XFL Overseas when it comes to the following it has on this side of the pond. BTW, congrats to the French Poodles or whoever won their dang championship.
Heck, I could rename myself Eddie Vedder, but there’s no way in hell I’m touring with Pearl Jam this fall.
It’s as if the AFL is self-conscious about its place in the world. That’s to be understood, there’s still a team in Grand Rapids. But they should take pride in the little chunk of sports market real estate claimed in the past 15 years. They’ve outgrown the god-awful zubas; no hot tubs are to be found in any arena these days no matter how hard Billy McGhee tries; Orlando fans have mellowed where nary an inflatable doll floats in the lower bowl; and there are no teams with nicknames like Fighting Pike getting their butts kicked by Tampa Bay. Kurt Warner won a Super Bowl even though he was 0-2 in the ArenaBowl, Oronde Gadsden plays for my Dolphins, and most of the cities are outdrawing their WNBA counterparts. Not bad.
Yeah, there’s still some problems. More people pack into the Stone Pony hoping to get a glimpse of Springsteen than watch the Gladiators and a Versace store white sale has more customer flow than the Bobcats concession stands. Hey, the league’s 15. That’s puberty.
The Fabulous Baker Boys need to realize that the only time the name NFL should matter is when it appears on the check. Heck, if anything the NFL could reap its share of benefits from the deal. Consider.
Wait a minute, a narcissistic high-brow whose obscure pop culture reference sometimes get lost by the target audience. This my niche, baby.
Of course, that’s my opinion and I could be wrong, but I am outta here.
Dan Ryan has been involved with all forms of arena football since 1988, including writing for ArenaFan when Joe Kauffman and Tim Capper aren’t killing his columns because they don’t get his jokes or perspective. His day job is at Bethune-Cookman University, which has produced both an NFL Hall of Famer (Larry Little) and an Arena Football Hall of Famer (Stevie Thomas) and his hobby is tracking how many f-bombs Adam Markowitz drops in the chat room on game nights.
