Post Game for Orlan... Hey, Wait a Minute!
Dan Ryan
Sunday June 24, 2001
How many times do you get a chance to skewer a football institution and a Grammy-award winning rock band within the parameters of Arena Football? For those of you who need the football-jones satisfied and need to read about the game, there`s another hyperlink you can click.
 The musical group Creed gladly accepted front row seats Image courtesy of |
Creed had a number one hit with "Arms Wide Open," a song Scott Stapp wrote about becoming a father. With two youngsters myself, the song really hit home … THE FIRST 2,136 TIMES THE LOCAL RADIO STATION PLAYED THE THING … Ahem.
Scott has a voice that reminds you of Pearl Jam`s Eddie Vedder, which means if you hold you nose and sing into a Big Gulp mug, you can pull off a reasonable imitation. Cue the Music…
WELL I JUST SAW
THE GUY FROM CREED
HE TOSSED THE COIN
THE PREDS RECEIVED [Shut up. It almost rhymes]
WHELIHAN DROPPED BACK
AND THREW TO DELL
BUT WITH THE RUSH SO STRONG
HE COULDN`T TELL…..
THAT SIAHA`S WIDE OPEN
ON THE POST PATTERN
FOR AN EASY SIX
THAN DAVE COOL KICKS
SIAHA`S WIDE OPEN
….It`s kinda dying isn`t it?
Let`s move on and begin debunking the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. (And don`t you wish you could. Heh. Heh)
Yeah, yeah, they`re pretty. They high kick extremely well. Or is it just our perception of this particular squadron because of a well-oiled PR machine?
Remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry states that we don`t root for baseball players, we root for the shirts? Same principle here, except its all us horned dogs going Pavlovian over these particular hot pants and boots.
The Dallas Cowboy Cheeleaders pose during Friday`s Predators game Image courtesy of |
Here`s a suggestion
"Dear Lord, please let us shake our groove things in a way that is a pleasing sight unto you and our talent coordinator, who may be granted the wisdom to deliver us from appearing at shopping mall openings and granting us a spot on the USO Tour or the swimsuit calendar. And Lord, please bless our football brethren, especially our director of player personnel, that he might the insight to discover a pulling guard so your servant Emmitt may find the promised land of the end zone and those righteous uprights. Amen.:
(Once again, I`m not mocking anyone`s religious beliefs. The previous paragraph is also a compliment to Texas women, who may be the most football-savvy in the nation.)
The Dallas girls have it a lot easier than the Pred cheerleaders, who on any given night go through three costume changes, have to dance after every play, (let alone keep the beat to Motley Crue and the Scorpions guitar riffs,) throw footballs in the stands and make something out of some lame on-field promotions. But hey, there might be a Kurtette Warner somewhere in one of the 19 markets.
One more detail from Friday: Milwaukee won 45-42.
Dan Ryan has been involved with all forms of arena football since 1988, including writing for ArenaFan when Joe Kauffman and Tim Capper aren’t killing his columns because they don’t get his jokes or perspective. His day job is at Bethune-Cookman University, which has produced both an NFL Hall of Famer (Larry Little) and an Arena Football Hall of Famer (Stevie Thomas) and his hobby is tracking how many f-bombs Adam Markowitz drops in the chat room on game nights.
