Beat the Guru: AFL Week 9

Adam Markowitz
Friday May 28, 2010

Class is in session, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be your professor for the day, the AFLGuru. No throwing spitballs at me in class. Now, let's get right to it, shall we?

Lesson 1: Always carry two quarterbacks, especially when the lone quarterback that you're carrying hasn't exactly been injury free in his career. Jon Norris, are you paying attention in the back of the classroom? Maybe if you were, you wouldn't have been in a position where you needed to use a wide receiver to play quarterback for you when Raymond Philyaw went down with a knee injury last week.

Lesson 2: Don't guarantee that your team is winning your division when you're 1-4 and then come out and lose again, and get caught in a screaming match with a couple of your best players. You will get fired. Exhibit A: Rich Ingold. Owner Woody Kern finally got tired of Ingold's antics and showed him the door after the woeful start to the year.

Lesson 3: When you don't successfully field the ball off the net on kickoffs, bad things are going to happen. I'm looking at you, Utah. What was it, about 72 kickoffs that you let bounce off the turf, a ton of which you ultimately fumbled against the Spokane last week?

Pop quiz coming next week. For now, class dismissed.

The Guru didn't exactly put on a clinic last week at 4-3, but at least it was a positive week. Only one winner in the competition, and that was BiffNixon, who posted his best week of the year at 5-2 against these AFL lines.

Disclaimer: This information should be used for entertainment purposes only.  Should you choose to actually lay real money on these games, that’s purely your choice, and neither I nor ArenaFan are responsible. Lines courtesy of Bookmaker Sportsbook as of Friday morning.

Tampa Bay Storm (-1) @ Orlando Predators: Yum. Crow never tasted so sweet before. Yes, my Predators came out and pulled off what I really thought was the impossible task last Friday night when they took out the Iron at home. However, what's got my attention this week is a story on the team's website: "Are the Prowlers too risqué?" C'mon, you're going to talk about this the week of the Tampa Bay game??? It's going to be the Jungle on a Friday night, and the Predator cheerleaders should be wearing virtually nothing and doing their thing just like they have every other Friday night since the early '90s. It's bad enough that the show has to be tamed just a bit for the NFL Network crew... Now this?

Guru's Pick: Storm over the tamed Preds by 4

Alabama Vipers (-4) @ Oklahoma City Yard Dawgz: The Vipers won by a country mile last week, but there aren't many teams that could figure out how to lose to a team with a wide receiver playing quarterback... Oh wait... Hey there, Sparky! How are you doing?

Guru's Pick: Vipers by 8

Arizona Rattlers (-8.5) @ Utah Blaze: Do you know that the Rattlers have only played one game this year that the final margin of victory was more than seven points? HC Kevin Guy and his crew have the flare for the dramatics right now, and though there should be nothing dramatic about going against a team that just got whooped by seven touchdowns last week, we tend to believe that the hosts are going to stick around in this one.

Guru's Pick: Rattled Rattlers by just 3

Chicago Rush (OTB) @ Cleveland Gladiators: The Rush got back on the horse last week after that embarrassment in Milwaukee by taking care of the Vigilantes and dismissing Ingold all in one swoop. Now, the task gets a lot harder, as the Gladiators nearly became the first team in a month to knock off the Sharks last week in a narrow two point defeat. Don't tell anyone, but it's been exactly 150 passes since QB John Dutton has thrown an interception. Be very, very quiet!

Guru's Pick: Happy Glads by 2

Dallas Vigilantes (OTB) @ Milwaukee Iron: Talk about a game I'd really rather not make a pick in... I'm still rather upset at the way that the Iron embarrassed me last week (after all, what's five touchdowns amongst friends?), and it's really hard to back this joke of a Dallas team right now. However, with a new head coach, especially on the road, literally, the entire world is against the artists formerly known as the Desperados right now. When your backs are against the wall, sometimes you can pull off some really, really weird accomplishments.

Guru's Pick: Upset Special, Vigilantes by 2

Tulsa Talons (OTB) @ Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings: Speaking of teams that embarrassing the heck out of me last week... I said that the Vipers had absolutely no shot of winning a game without having QB Kevin Eakin under center. You don't normally account for what happens when wide receivers have to suddenly step in and play quarterback... The Talons looked great last week against the Yard Dawgz, and there's no reason to think that they won't be able to do so again this week down in the Bayou.

Guru's Pick: Talons by 8

Jacksonville Sharks (OTB) @ Spokane Shock: Another stellar call by the Guru last week... that Utah was going to beat Spokane outright. Again, what's seven touchdowns amongst friends? This is just an awful spot for the Shark Attack in this one. It's a cross country trip, against a team that is playing well, in an environment that is probably amongst the most hostile in the league, in a game that is going to amount to be like the Super Bowl for the home team. It's not going to be a "shocking" upset (in fact, it might not be an upset at all), but this is the week that J'Ville is going to taste defeat again.

Guru's Pick : Shock by 6

Recap

Tampa Bay -1
Alabama -4
Utah +8.5
Cleveland by 2
Dallas by 2
Tulsa by 8
Spokane by 6

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