Beat the Guru: AFL Week 12
Adam Markowitz
Thursday May 15, 2008
One guy approaches another holding a six-pack of Guinness. The latter asks the guy with the beer what he’s holding. “A six-pack!” the former says emphatically. All together now: BRILLIANT!!
Second guy: “What’s it do?”
First guy: “I figured out how to carry six beers at the same time!”
Second guy: “Carry six beers at the same time?!?!?”
All together again: BRILLIANT!
Second guy: “Let’s drink them.”
First guy: “You know, I’ve been thinking… It might not be the smartest idea to drink six beers at the same time.”
Second guy: “Don’t drink six beers at the same time?”
And one final time: BRILLIANT!
Really, ESPN… I think it’d be brilliant if you don’t put microphones on “six players” (even though it was clearly two coaches and four players) and a referee at the same time. Don’t use six microphones at the same time??? In harmony this time: BRILLIANT!
Eh, on second thought, maybe ESPN was trying to appeal to MasterCard and not Guinness…
Picking up fast food before the game: $6
Alcoholic beverages consumed during the game: $12
Listening to seven on-field microphones instead of Shaun King: Priceless
Now that, my friends, is truly brilliant.
Anyway, moving on to real business… Only five of you had the guts to face the Guru last week. Shame on the rest of you reading this article! We’re basing these standings off of the percentage of games you correctly pick, not the quantity of winners you pick, so jump right in this week on the ArenaFan.com Message Boards and take your best (feeble) attempt at beating the Guru!
The Guru posted another 6-2 week against the spread, moving me up to an excellent 51-36 on the season. Unfortunately, I’ve still got this thorn in my side, AFLJunkie, who went 7-1 for the week and is hitting over 61% of his games on the season. My friend, I hope you’re actually wagering on these games. Es46ne10 gets mega-props for also going 6-2. Not an easy task.
Though it’d be nice to beat everyone in this competition, website supremacy is of utmost importance, and ArenaFan is representin’. I’ve got a four game lead on Arena Football Online’s imposter of a Guru. Time’s ticking, Scott! You’ve only got 59 games to make up the difference this season (assuming we’re continuing the rendezvous for the postseason as well!). If you’re interested in his fantasy insight, log on to Arena Football Online and check him out.
Disclaimer: This information should be used for entertainment purposes only. Should you choose to actually lay real money on these games, that’s purely your choice, and neither I nor ArenaFan are responsible. All lines are courtesy of Olympic Sports as of Wednesday evening.
Tampa Bay Storm (-2.5) @ Grand Rapids Rampage: In a game that featured poor offense, poor defense, poor special teams, and more yellow flags on the field at any given time than microphones on the field in Gwinnett on Monday night, the Storm arguably saved their season for the time being by knocking off the New Orleans VooDoo 41-37. Though Tampa Bay is still just 4-6 and is currently on the outside of the playoff picture looking in, they were really in this exact same spot last year when they won a very similar game against the Columbus Destroyers which turned their season around. Parlay this with the Rampage’s inability to play a halfway decent game against anyone not named “Kansas City,” and the makings are there for the Storm to quietly sneak a bit closer to the better teams in the difficult National Conference.
Guru’s Pick: Storm by 18
8-Ball’s Pick: Rampage
Columbus Destroyers (+16) @ Philadelphia Soul: If you’re a Philadelphia Soul fan right now, you must be thinking two words: “Oy vey.” Two weeks after knocking off Dallas in the battle of the unbeaten teams, you’re a game back in the loss column to the Desperados and still have to travel into Big D. Better not print up those National Conference Championship game tickets yet, Philly. Of course, a game hosting Columbus should end this two-game skid and right the ship for the Soul, but they probably won’t surpass Dallas in the East again this season.
Guru’s Pick: Soul by 27
8-Ball’s Pick: Soul
Arizona Rattlers (+15.5) @ Dallas Desperados: Not that it’s much more difficult for Dallas this week either… Two phrases should point you in the right direction in this one. “Jeff Smoker” and “On the road.”
Guru’s Pick: ‘Rados by 24
8-Ball’s Pick: Desperados
Cleveland Gladiators (+1) @ Colorado Crush: Pop quiz, hot shots! Name the only team in the AFL that has successfully found ways to lose to BOTH Kansas City and Utah? Bernie Kosar’s boys should plunge John Elway’s Crush deeper towards the embarrassment of falling behind the likes of Grand Rapids and the aforementioned Brigade and Blaze.
Guru’s Pick: Fighting Kosar’s by 6
8-Ball’s Pick: Crush
Utah Blaze (+13) @ San Jose SaberCats: Back-to-back victories for Danny White’s ball club suddenly puts the Blaze right back in the playoff scramble. The offense certainly has weapons to work with, and the defense has finally started to show a pulse. Dare I? Dare I pick against the mighty SaberCats at home??? Don’t say I didn’t warn you first…
Guru’s Pick: Upset Special, Blaze by 8
8-Ball’s Pick: Blaze
Orlando Predators (-7.5) @ Kansas City Brigade: Let me take a second to give props to my buddy and former ArenaFan writer, Jason Lucas for being named head of Media Relations in the Predators front office last week. Of course, I text messaged him right after the Cleveland game. “You’re fired.” We were 7-3 before Jas took over… But look at it this way. With the previous PR Director, the Preds lost back-to-back road games, then rolled off six straight victories. If Jason can follow this pattern, we’ll end up playing in the National Conference Championship game! That being said, it’s still KC, but this could be a mighty interesting game as well.
Guru’s Pick: Preds by just 2
8-Ball’s Pick: Predators
Georgia Force (+1) @ New York Dragons: I need to go to an AA meeting… ArenaFan Anonymous. “My name is Adam Markowitz, and I have a problem. I fell asleep with New York losing by two stops last week only to wake up the next morning to see they came back and beat Los Angeles, then went to bed with about 7:00 left in the Georgia/Philly game the next night...” You’d figure after all of these years, I’d learn to stay awake until the clock hits 0:00 in the 4th quarter of these games. Oh this game? I vow to stay awake until the very end!
Guru’s Pick: Dragons by 4
8-Ball’s Pick: Force
Los Angeles Avengers (+15) @ Chicago Rush: Okay Coach Hodgkiss, who’s it gonna be, Sonny Cumbie or Tim Hicks? “[Cumbie] came in with some confidence [against New York] and took what the defense gave him.” Wasn’t “taking what the defense gave him” what got Cumbie benched in the first place? And if Hodgkiss is going to live by this, the Chicago defense has never given him much to work with. In three starts against Chicago, the Avengers with Cumbie have averaged just 33.7 ppg. This is your weekly, “Yo!” But with a playoff spot nailed down and the #1 seed in the American Conference seemingly a formality, will the Rush really care about winning this game by more than two tuddies? I sure hope not.
Guru’s Pick: Rush by just 10
8-Ball’s Pick: Avengers
Beat the Guru Top 10 (must have 32 games selected to qualify)
AFLJunkie: 52-32 (61.9%)
AFLGuru: 51-36 (58.6%)
Es46ne10: 48-38 (55.8%)
Arena Guru: 47-40 (54.0%)
PhillySoul04: 25-22 (53.2%)
InsideSix: 41-38 (51.9%)
Rush43: 39-40 (49.4%)
EKUVolley: 35-36 (49.3%)
SoulPhan71: 15-18 (45.5%)
MBoyle: 21-27 (42.2%)
Make Your Picks
See how well you can do against the Guru. Make your picks here. Winners will be recognized weekly.
Adam Markowitz is an accountant living in Orlando. Adam is an old school AFLer, having followed the AFL since 1991. He attended or covered well over 200 games, including 17 ArenaBowls. Adam worked for the Arena Football League for two years as a columnist and historian before retiring in 2017 when the 50-yard indoor war left the Sunshine State. Adam still muses about the AFL on ArenaFan from time to time, and you can follow him on Twitter @adammarkowitzea.
