TT Toliver - The AFL's Paris Hilton

Adam J Locascio
Wednesday June 13, 2007

It seems former two-time Tampa Bay Storm wide receiver TT Toliver has taken a lesson from Paris Hilton.

It’s about time something Paris did is catching on.  Not only is it catching on, it’s effective and it gets results. And, no, she’s not the new spokesperson for Proactiv Acne Treatment. 

In short, if you’re unhappy with your situation, whine and cry and you’ll get out of it. 

Wow, is it that simple? 

For those of you who haven’t opened your eyes in the past week, Paris Hilton figured out that she can get out of jail (albeit briefly) if she just flat out went on a crying binge – the scientific term for which is “undisclosed medical condition.” A judge had to remand her back to jail after a Los Angeles Sheriff overstepped his bounds and placed her on house arrest because of her (cough) condition.

Apparently, he can’t stand the noise.

Similarly, the Storm get burned again by TT Toliver bringing back memories of 2004 when he was unceremoniously traded/unloaded to the Nashville Kats for a case of caffeine-free Diet Pepsi and a George Foreman Grill (I think a player was involved as well, but he never saw the field, let alone the active roster). 

Toliver went to head Coach Tim Marcum on May 28 after a loss to the Georgia Force to air his grievances. 

“He said, ‘I don’t want to play here any more.’ OK,” Marcum told the Tampa Tribune, “So, ‘I don’t want to play here any more’ then he left the squad.” The Storm then placed Toliver on the “left squad” list which means that he cannot practice or play with the team for two weeks and is not paid.

“His whole purpose of quitting was he thought he’d go on to the next team, not miss a beat, get with a playoff team and never look back,” Marcum said. 

Toliver tells a different story.

“Everybody thinks I quit and when I went into his office and talked to him, it was more of an adult situation,” Toliver told the Tribune. “It was me asking him, ‘Come on man, where do I stand?’”

Um, TT. I’m not Chris Berman or anything, but you were the Storm’s leading receiver through Week 13 with 1,193 yards and 17 touchdowns. Were you not happy with your role in the offense (guy who catches everything). You hardly have a case about not getting the ball. I have a case about not getting the ball. 

Regardless of what happened, two things are certain: TT whined. TT got his wish and he was released. The Storm get nothing but a little peace and quiet.

Instead, the Storm faithful will drag the Bobby Sippio dead horse out of the closet and give it a couple of whacks with a sledgehammer as Toliver gets ready to sign with (gasp!) Orlando. Reports are surfacing that Toliver has already contacted Predator Coach Jay Gruden. 

And now that the dust has settled, it seems like Paris –er – TT gets his way. Like Marcum said earlier, “he thought he’d go on to the next team.” Apparently, he thought right. 

If you’re some diva athlete in the AFL, or in any league for that matter, pay attention. It seems like the best card you can play to get off a bad team or out of a bad situation is just make life hell for everyone around you to the point where no one wants you there. 

Don’t laugh. It works. TT wasn’t the first and he certainly won’t be the last. Somewhere Terrell Owens is getting misty-eyed and saying, “That’s ma’ boy!”

So go sit in your cell. Cry, whine, complain… just be annoying. Just be so unbelievably grating that people want to take out their own eyes with a grapefruit spoon. Become the kind of person that makes people cringe and say, “Why do people pay attention to this?” 

Basically, become Paris Hilton.