Firebirds Pre-Game Quiz
Matthew Pickut
Sunday July 15, 2001
Question #1
That loud sound you heard last weekend was:
A. The neighbors’ kid blowing up plastic army men with left over fireworks from the 4th of July.
B. The implosion of Market Square Arena, the site of Elvis’ last concert before his “death”.
C. Martha Stewart imploding under the weight of her world empire in a bizarre glue gun/bailing wire accident.
D. The implosion The Firebirds’ chances of winning the division and securing home field advantage through the play-offs
Correct answer: D. Due to being swept by the Grand Rapids Rampage, last week’s loss to the New Jersey Gladiators means that Indiana must overtake the division lead outright. With two games left they can tie the Rampage, but would still lose the head to head record tiebreaker. With a win this week against San Jose Sabercats, the Firebirds can still garner a home playoff game, but they would need a lot of help to secure the bye week that goes to the leagues’ top 4 teams. “This is a very big week,” says head coach Mike Dailey, ”It has huge playoff implications. Our guys will have to prepare themselves for what should be a very exciting and entertaining game.”
Question #2
The Firebird`s released DS Cedrick Walker this week because:
A. He was linked to a break-in and theft of materials from the Watergate hotel in Washington D.C. during the Democratic Convention. (Sorry, that’s why former president Richard Nixon resigned)
B. His continued injuries made it difficult for the team to justify keeping him on the roster.
C. Lawyers for Chuck Norris threatened a huge lawsuit.
D. If you really love someone, you should set him or her free (or so Sting sang once).
Correct Answer: B. General Manager Joe Hennessy said, "Unfortunately, Cedric has been slowed by some injuries this season. In his absence, we`ve had guys like Greg Williams and Lamar Grant step up and make some big plays for us. We`ve got some young guys that have shown that they have the potential to be very good football players in this league, and we thought it was important to get these guys playing experience as we prepare to make a playoff run." DS Lamar Grant will take Walker’s place in the defensive backfield. Grant’s two interceptions and 40 tackles went a long way to made Walker expendable. What remains puzzling is why the team would make this move at this point in the season when they could use a veteran in the locker-room for the play-off push.
Question #3
This week which quarterback will start for the Indiana Firebirds?
A. John Rayborn
B. Raymond Philyaw
C. Erik Wilhelm
D. Former Firebird and Arena Fan Correspondent Jeff Foley
Correct Answer: It’s a trick question, no one knows. According to team sources, normal starting QB Raymond Philyaw’s knee healed well enough with the off week to allow him to start. Last week Rayborn played well, but not quite well enough to make Philyaw’s return optional this week. Over the Fourth of July weekend the Firebirds brought in QB Erik Wilhelm off waivers from the Tampa Bay Storm. The team then placed Wilhelm on recallable waivers, which is often a precursor to adding a player to the practice squad. If Wilhelm makes it through waivers, he may take the practice squad spot vacated when WR/DB Kevin Ingram moved to the 20-man roster if the team is satisfied with Wilhelm as a 3rd string QB.
Question # 4
The greatest love story of our time is:
A. Titanic
B. Gladiator
C. Barry Bond’s autobiography
D. Between Firebird’s OS Eddie Brown and Sabercat’s WR/DB Barry Wagoner
Correct answer: anything but D. These guys talked smack all the way back in Brown’s rookie season. “Wagner is supposed to be the man,” said Brown in 1994, “But, there’s a new sheriff in town, gentlemen. I’m going to shatter the record [the total points] and mail the ball to him.” Brown took over the career mark for receptions last week but still lags behind Wagner in total points by over 200 points. “I play both ways,” Wagoner responded, “If I just played offense, my numbers would be more impressive. Until Eddie Brown plays both ways, I can’t see how anybody can compare our numbers.” Knowing the level of confidence, which some might call cockiness, that Brown plays with, this week should be interesting.
Question #5
The most dangerous thing about Arena Football is:
A. The dasher boards.
B. The turf
C. Coach Dailey after you just blew a coverage assignment on defense
D. DS Cornelius Coe
Correct Answer: D. Rookie Defensive Specialist Cornelius Coe broke the single season tackle record, with eight tackles last week against the Gladiators. Coe’s current total of 122 places him six ahead of the previous record, set by Orlando’s Damon Mason in 1999, with two games left in the regular season. Before this year’s record setting performance, being the af2 defensive player of the year might have stood beside being the world’s tallest midget for prestige (my apologies, that should be “the world’s most horizontally gifted little person”). Coe’s play shows the success of the af2 is not just in attracting fans, but also in preparing players for the AFL game at the next level.
Extra Credit:
Teams produce media guides to:
A. Give the media something to read during the game.
B. Give the media important information about the players and staff
C. Give themselves something to do during the long off season
D. Impress Martha Stewart
Correct answer: B. Although everyone would like to impress Martha Stewart, vision of beauty that she is, the way into her heart is paved with ornamental decorations made from everyday household supplies. Media guides provide the press with such important information like the name of Firebird’s Defensive Assistant Coach Ernesto Purnsley’s daughter (Alice), OL/DL Chris Snyder’s offseason job (bartending), and what FB/LB Sunungura Rusununguko’s first name means in the Shona tribal language of Zimbabwe (“act of liberty”). Other press guides from around the league give crucial information such as players’ favorite midnight snack (popcorn is very popular), accolades earned by New York Dragon’s Equipment Manager Frank Venturino (1999-2000 District One Equipment Manager of the Year Award) and which Chicago coach had roles in both “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and “C.Hi.Ps” (Wide Receiver/Defensive Back’s coach Stan Davis).
How’d you do? I’d love to stick around and talk about it but I gotta go. Martha Stewart is here and says she can help me make some wonderful candle holders out of just some old salt shakers, some gold leaf foil, and a stapler. Oh boy!
Matthew Pickut is a pastor in northern Indiana and a long time AFL fan. He also writes for his own website: The Brown Paper Blog. He graduated from Taylor University in Upland Indiana (class of `96) with degrees in Biblical Literature and Sociology as well as a healthy respect for the medicinal properties of coffee.
