My AFL Christmas List
Adam Markowitz
Thursday December 4, 2008
I’ve been a really good boy this year. I never missed a game. I was as humble of a winner as I could be in the Beat the Guru competition. I tried my hardest to bash Orlando Predators Head Coach Jay Gruden as little as possible. I was on my best behavior at the ArenaBowl. I’ve even tried to keep my head up in an off-season that really has only brought about gloom and doom. Because I’ve been so good this year, I’d like to present this list to you of things that I’d love to find waiting under the Christmas tree or in my stocking before Christmas Day…
1) I want a Commissioner. I’m not picky. The next Commish doesn’t have to be nearly as big as the last one we had. I just want someone who will lead us into the next generation of Arena Football. Right now we’re a ship without a captain, and I don’t think Mother Nature is going to let us drift around in relatively calm waters for too much longer before we hit something.
2) I want a schedule. C’mon Santa, I’ve been promised this schedule now for a long time, and the big meanies in the league office keep telling me that I have to wait for it a little bit longer. I think they deserve a lump of coal in their stocking this year for being liars and making us wait so long. But as long as I get my schedule by Christmas Day, I’ll be a happy fan again!
3) I want some new players! My Predators only have a handful of guys under contract and we surely have a lot of salary cap space to play with. All I need is a quarterback, an entirely new offensive line, a few receivers, a few defensive backs, a few defensive linemen, a fullback, a couple linebackers, and a kicker, and I think I’ve got a great chance to win the ArenaBowl this year! There are a lot of players that used to play in New Orleans that want to know when they are going to get dispersed as well. Those meanies in the league office keep telling them that they’ll be dispersed eventually, but that date keeps getting pushed further and further back, too. Santa, don’t make me wait past Christmas to figure out who’s going to be on my team next year!
4) I want a full sixteen team league. I’m worried that this single entity garbage may run off a few more of the owners, and if we don’t seal the deal with Platinum, that other owners will find the economy too much to bear. I’m so sad that the VooDoo are gone! Don’t make me mourn the loss of more teams.
5) I want a cool new location for our ArenaBowl. New Orleans was a lot of fun, but I think it’s time to go somewhere else. Don’t go back to Las Vegas. We’ve been there and done that. I’ve heard that Chicago is really pretty in the summer. Kansas City is supposed to be real nice, too. And the best part if the ArenaBowl is played in the Sprint Center? There’s no chance of there being an unfair home field advantage!
6) Finally Santa… my most important wish of all… I want to make sure that my league is still safe. I’m scared that these cronies in the league office are jerking us around because something’s not right. I hope that everything is okay. Santa, please just let me know that my league will still be here next year.
Santa, I know I’ve asked for a lot, but like I said, I’ve been a really, REALLY good boy this year, and I think that I deserve a lot of great presents under my Christmas tree this year. I promise if I get all of my wishes, I’ll be just as good again next year!
Wishing you a Merry Christmas from the only Jewish guy writing you a letter this year…
--Adam Markowitz
Adam Markowitz is an accountant living in Orlando. Adam is an old school AFLer, having followed the AFL since 1991. He attended or covered well over 200 games, including 17 ArenaBowls. Adam worked for the Arena Football League for two years as a columnist and historian before retiring in 2017 when the 50-yard indoor war left the Sunshine State. Adam still muses about the AFL on ArenaFan from time to time, and you can follow him on Twitter @adammarkowitzea.
