AFL, I'm just not that into you
Adam J Locascio
Sunday April 13, 2008
I don’t know why.
I don’t know if it is my local team’s schedule, the sport, the players… but I’m losing it.
I’m losing interest in the AFL.
I don’t know if I am in the minority or not. I keep reading stories that the attendance in the AFL is up. Scoring is up (which is supposed to be good, I guess). I’ve got my seats. I’ve got some nice merchandise (way to go Russell).
To steal a line from Candace Bushnell, “I’m just not that into you.”
And, boy, do I feel guilty.
I can’t figure it out. As February turned into March, I found myself a little more excited about Johan Santana joining the Mets than I did about the upcoming AFL season. The first few weeks of the baseball season have almost nothing to do with how the season ends, but in football, every single week is crucial.
So why the lull in interest? Is it me? I don’t think so. I can’t change how I feel. When the dog pees on your leg, it’s not your fault you feel wet. I’ve made a real concerted effort to identify what’s happened in the past ten years that has caused me to pay more attention to baseball than the AFL.
Television: Here in Tampa Bay, the Storm will boast that 10 of their games are on television. Eight of the ten are home games (which I will attend) – and none of them are sold out (I might be the only fan who’s begging for a blackout). Only two away games are on television. That’s six games I can’t and won’t see; one-third of the season. I saw every single minute of Tampa Bay Buccaneers football this past NFL season – home or away. I was in New York during Week 1 of the NFL and I watched the Bucs/Seahawks game in Times Square! Of the first five games, I got to see one game live (home against Georgia) and one on television (away against Philadelphia). Mixed into that first five game stretch were three non-televised games and a bye week. In six weeks, I got to see exactly eight quarters of actual football. Oh sure, I could listen to it on the radio, but I shouldn’t have to. This is the 21st century. I’m not sitting in my car to hear a radio broadcast or watching the replay feed on some choppy Web cam that was purchased at WalMart. Give me a break… there are porn stars with better video feeds than what the AFL has to offer.
Scoring: Scoring in the AFL has been up over the past two seasons.
Big-frickety-wow.
The Elway – I mean the League – will tell you that scoring is exciting and that’s what puts butts in seats. Great. But it is getting to the point where the touchdown in and of itself is worthless. Who cares if you give up a TD? Another one is coming up in a second. The AFL is boasting that high scores mean excitement to the fan base, but the Vegas spread on these games is usually less than a touchdown. So who cares if the score is 72-70 or 21-19? They’re both tight games.
This is what’s wrong with basketball. No one cares about a basketball game when the score is 14-12. I say every basketball game should start with the score 80-80 and put two minutes on the clock. We can wrap up a season in about a month.
The Referees: Yeah, yeah. Everyone has a complaint about the refs. It’s about as American as apple pie. But keep in mind, I’m not complaining about a specific game here. This isn’t sour grapes. There have been at least two blown calls in every game I’ve seen this season and each call was critical to the outcome. I saw a receiver lying on his back on the turf with the ball in his hands above his chest. Another player from the other team swatted the ball out of his hands as he lie on the ground and the ref called it an incomplete pass. The receiver was in full-lie-down-nap-mode holding the ball (clearly down) and the ref calls it incomplete?
I know they’re trying. I tried playing ice hockey once. But there’s a problem – I wasn’t any good.
So why watch the game? If you think about it, Team A and Team B are not deciding their outcome. It’s actually Team A, B, and C! When I watch a game, I want the game decided by the guys in pads, not by the guy who was lugging Kenmores for Best Buy during the week. The officiating is horrendous and it damages the product on the field. And with point differentials so tight, one mistake by Mr. Magoo in the striped shirt ruins the entire game. Bad calls in an AFL game are about as predictable as the sunrise.
The Philadelphia Soul: Good gravy, do I hate Philadelphia. Hate. I am talking hate. Like “hate crime” hate. And why?
For some reason, the AFL force-feeds the fans the Philadelphia Soul. And why? I know it’s not the uniforms which are basically fabric representations of a deep thigh bruise.
The Soul are on television ad-nauseam. Why? No one outside of Philly likes Philly. Some sports teams have nationwide appeal, but no team from Philadelphia has it. Can we vote for contraction? Bring back the New England Sea Wolves or something. The Soul are getting to be the New York Yankees of the AFL…
…with the notable exception that they haven’t won a damn thing in their history.
And every time we see the Soul, we get the obligatory camera shot of Jon Bon Jovi in the owner’s box, looking exasperated and confounded at what he’s seeing. And when something good happens, he raises his puny, skinny arms in triumph. I bet Bon Jovi doesn’t know a jack linebacker from a Pop Tart. How did he get a team? Was the cast of “Surreal Life” full?
Oh, and we also get to see the husband and wife couple in the stands with their blue wigs and zebra-striped workout pants, circa 1988. I always wonder if they get dressed together and fight over the different articles of blue filth. I also wonder if they’ve ever accidentally washed real clothes with their “Soul clothes” and turned their socks and sweaters blue.
And Tony Graziani… man, I want this guy’s agent. The guy gets the biggest contract in AFL history and he hasn’t produced squat. His first playoff win came courtesy of Shane Stafford and the Orlando Predators – another quarterback who hasn’t done anything in the playoffs. I guess someone had to win.
And Graziani always gets a pass, no matter how horrible the performance. He’s essentially the Brett Favre of the AFL. He throws four picks and it was a “gutty performance where Graziani tried to put the team on his shoulders.” If Chris Griesen throws four picks he was “reckless and irresponsible with the football.”
The Rules: The rules have been changing every year, so much that I don’t know what’s in effect anymore. First, the League implements free substitution, essentially eliminating the Ironman – the AFL’s defining characteristic. Then, the linebacker can now move sideline to sideline, but they can’t drop BACKWARDS too far. No wonder the refs are confused. They’re having the rules changed on them every year. So linebackers are moving sideways, but can’t go back too far? Why not just hook them up with one of those electric dog collars and if they drift too far from the line they get zapped?
I don’t mind a rule change or tweak. Sometimes you have to do it. After some catastrophic injuries, the NFL had to start penalizing the horse-collar tackle. In the AFL’s case, they are literally changing the sport every single year. These aren’t tweaks – they are wholesale changes to the major, defining rules of the game. It would be like baseball saying a ball hit over the outfield fence is an out.
And the league just passes these rules! You know how hard it is to pass a rule change in the NFL? You need something like a 70% vote of all owners and the Pope’s blessing.
So here I am. Just a fan going thought some inner turmoil. The sports that I’ve liked during my life I’ve always liked (baseball, football, hockey). The ones that I haven’t liked, I’ve never liked (basketball, NASCAR). Never has a sport fallen out of favor with me… until now.
I’m losing it.
Adam J. Locascio is a financial advisor in the Tampa Bay area and a Board Member of the Tampa Bay Storm Surge Fan Club. He holds a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Phoenix and is a six-year season ticket holder for the Tampa Bay Storm.
