ATTENTION: AFL MARKETING DEPARTMENT
Matt Walsh
Saturday March 4, 2000
Well, it was a tough, hard-fought defensive struggle played in sloppy conditions, but Arena Bowl 13 1/2 between the owners and players is finally over. And the fans win! Fans win!
It was an ugly win no doubt, but it`s a victory the fans will take every time.
Now we can see what this league is really made up of, and find out if the saying will prove true: whatever doesn`t kill you makes you stronger
Idea for this season`s marketing slogan: WE`RE BACK!!! Hey wait a minute, where`d we go?
Due to the deafening code of silence that the lawyers enforced on their clients throughout this whole labor dispute, a lot of misinformed facts and opinions were thrown about on team message boards and email lists all over the Internet. And that`s nobody`s fault except the lawyers`.
But now that the season is back on, it`s time to stop the blaming and finger-pointing. No matter what side of the issue you took, whether you were for the players or the owners, or neither, it`s time to concentrate on the upcoming season. Because when the ball hits the net for the first time at Gaylord Arena in Nashville on April 13th—on national television—this whole labor debacle will seem like a bad dream.
Having said all that, one more shot if you will:
Idea for this season`s marketing slogan: The Arena Football League... Kessler-free Football.
After a long day of chasing ambulances, an attorney sits in his office pondering what to make of this whole AFL situation. "I just don`t understand," the lawyer barks at his secretary as he fumbles through a mess of paperwork on his desk. "Where do these union guys get off saying they have the majority of the cards when I have them all sitting right here in front of me?!" He starts counting them. "Look, look, I have 1,2,3...uh." He forgets what comes after three.
"GET THE UNION ON THE HORN! GET UPSHAW AND COMMISSIONER BAKER IN MY OFFICE, NOW!" the angry lawyer yells. "THIS WHOLE UNION IS A SHAM! I HAVE ALL THE CARDS!"
His secretary lightly taps him on the shoulder and whispers in his ear, "Um, sir, those are your Pokemon cards."
Idea for this season`s marketing slogan: The Arena Football League -- You know, the league Kurt Warner used to play for.
Which AFL quarterback has the best chance of being the next Kurt Warner?
- Clint Dolezel
- Andy Kelly
- Mike Pawlawski
- Jeff Loots
Before you snicker at answer 4, take a look at this clipping from Minneapolis` daily newspaper, The Star Tribune: "[T]he name of Jeff Loots -- a St. Paul native, former Southwest State star and an Arena League veteran -- has been mentioned as a [Minnesota] Vikings possibility."
You see, Mike Pawlawski is so good even his backup gets a shot at the NFL.
Idea for this season`s marketing slogan: The Arena Football League -- Fun, Fireworks, and 401K plans!
Matt Walsh was a writer for ArenaFan Online from 2000 to 2001.
