Beat the Guru: AFL Week 11
Adam Markowitz
Thursday May 8, 2008
Really Bob Wischusen and Shaun King, sit down and learn the rules of the AFL so I don’t have to mock you for it. I found it incredibly irritating that both King and Wischusen were adamant that there must’ve been something wrong with the clock at the end of the first half when the rule clearly states that the offense clearly has the option to put the time back on the clock after a defensive holding, illegal contact, pass interference, etc call. But the best one was King being so desperate to know what a “victory pass play” was at the end of the game. C’mon Shaun, you were in the AFL. You must know what a victory… oh… sorry… you played for the Gladiators!
Psh, enough of that. And good riddance to Week 10 while we’re at it. My birthday week wasn’t so kind in terms of my final record for the week (merely 3-5), but at least my Predators pulled out a huge victory against the SaberKitties.
Someone get this moment on the record. I’m about to be a nice guy for once in my life. Our good ol’ friend, “Arena Guru” from Arena Football Online had a wonderful 1-6-1 week based off of the lines that he provided for his story. But because I’m such a nice guy and saw that he had Tampa Bay +5, I’m going to award him with a victory for the game because my line was +5.5. Consider it my first random act of kindness following my 23rd birthday. Too bad you’re still three games in my rear view mirror, “Gu.” Better luck this week.
Congratulations are in order to InsideSix for posting a 5-3 record and embarrassing the real Guru on his birthday week. Even worse is that the 8-Ball is making its first appearance on the list of those who beat me. It took ten weeks to accomplish, but the 8-Ball finally went 5-3 on a week and beat the Guru. AFLJunkie and es46ne10 went 4-4 and also beat me.
Disclaimer: This information should be used for entertainment purposes only. Should you choose to actually lay real money on these games, that’s purely your choice, and neither I nor ArenaFan are responsible. All lines are courtesy of Olympic Sports as of Wednesday evening.
Orlando Predators (-2.5) @ Cleveland Gladiators: Two teams coming off of massive wins hook up at the Q on Friday night to kick off Week 11 of AFL action. For the Preds, their 61-35 victory over San Jose brought them to 7-3. A couple more wins should wrap up their 17th straight playoff appearance. As correctly predicted by yours truly and incorrectly predicted by most of you in the land of Guru, Cleveland gave previously unbeaten Philadelphia a game. You knock out Matt D’Orazio, watch Tony Graziani do his best impression of Matt Sauk, and walk away with your 5th victory of the season. The Preds may go with Jake Eaton in this one after he came off the bench for Shane Stafford and won Offensive Player of the Game honors, which is a scarier proposition than the possibility of having to watch Rohan Davey come in and quarterback the Glads should anything happen to Raymond Philyaw…
Guru’s Pick: Upset Special, Glads by 6
8-Ball’s Pick: Gladiators
New Orleans VooDoo (+1.5) @ Tampa Bay Storm: Good ol’ Tim Marcum must be ready to leap off of the roof of the St. Pete Times Forum and into the nearby water. After beating Orlando 48-41 a couple weeks ago he summed up his team’s late near collapse by stating, “I was thinking, ‘Well, here we go again.’ It’s kind of like wiping your butt with a bicycle tire. The stuff just keeps coming around.” Boy is that a loaded statement… How appropriate that we’re talking about TB and the use of a bicycle tire as TP when a team nicknamed the Doo are coming to town…
Guru’s Pick: Stinky upset special, “Stuff that just keeps coming around” by a doo-ce
8-Ball’s Pick: VooDoo
San Jose SaberCats (-6) @ Arizona Rattlers: I’d love to know what SaberKitties Head Coach Darren Arbet was thinking when he send his prize quarterback Mark Grieb back out there with his team down by about a million points inside 1:00 left in the game. I mean really, what are you trying to accomplish there, Coach? I’ve gone back and forth on this game, but I’m going with my buddy ScottW’s thought on this one. The Cats had better wake up and win this game, or they’ll find themselves in a massive dog fight to win the West.
Guru’s Pick: Reluctantly, SaberCats by 7
8-Ball’s Pick: Rattlers
Columbus Destroyers (-2) @ Kansas City Brigade: The Destroyers are coming off of a draining loss against Dallas when they had the game won. Kansas City just flat out stunk in Utah. I could go on with more analysis on this game, but really, who gives a damn about this game? Even as a degenerate gambler, I could care less about this one. But because I have to make a selection…
Guru’s Pick: Upset of no meaning whatsoever, Brigade by 3
8-Ball’s Pick: Brigade
Grand Rapids Rampage (+10.5) @ Dallas Desperados: I’m getting really tired of picking this Dallas team only to see them fail to cover the spread. They should’ve lost to lowly Columbus, now get to face lowly random team from the American Conference. Seriously, should we even play these intra-conference games anymore? The ‘Rados should make this game a laugher, but I wouldn’t be shocked to be wrong with them yet again.
Guru’s Pick: Desperados by 14
8-Ball’s Pick: Rampage
Colorado Crush (+1.5) @ Utah Blaze: John Dutton has now gone one consecutive game without throwing an interception… Man, that’s the best I can do??? On second thought, is there any reason to play any of these games that involve American Conference teams?
Guru’s Pick: Whatever… Crush by 3
8-Ball’s Pick: Crush
New York Dragons (-3.5) @ Los Angeles Avengers: Somehow, Avengers QB Tim Hicks has gotten the nickname “Goo” by many of us in the ArenaFan chat room. How dare he steal my namesake! As long as the Dragons are in the National Conference, LA is in the American Conference, and Aaron Garcia is upright, this selection is easy.
Guru’s Pick: Dragons by 18
8-Ball’s Pick: Dragons
Philadelphia Soul (-5.5) @ Georgia Force: Something just doesn’t make sense in the City of Brotherly Love. Matt D’Orazio starts against Cleveland and gets hurt. So what do they do this week? Put Tony Graziani on IR. Yep, that makes a lot of sense. The Soul’s injury report is starting to look like a M*A*S*H* list. My original thought was to take Philadelphia and lay the 5.5, but my cohorts have convinced me otherwise…
Guru’s Pick: Soul by just 3
8-Ball’s Pick: Soul
Beat the Guru’s Top 10 (must have 32 games selected to qualify)
AFLJunkie: 45-31 (59.2%)
AFLGuru: 45-34 (57.0%)
Es46ne10: 42-36 (53.8%)
Phillysoul04: 25-22 (53.2%)
Arena Guru: 42-37 (53.2%)
InsideSix: 41-38 (51.9%)
Rush43: 36-35 (50.7%)
EKUVolley: 30-33 (47.6%)
SoulPhan71: 15-18 (45.5%)
MBoyle: 21-27 (43.8%)
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Adam Markowitz is an accountant living in Orlando. Adam is an old school AFLer, having followed the AFL since 1991. He attended or covered well over 200 games, including 17 ArenaBowls. Adam worked for the Arena Football League for two years as a columnist and historian before retiring in 2017 when the 50-yard indoor war left the Sunshine State. Adam still muses about the AFL on ArenaFan from time to time, and you can follow him on Twitter @adammarkowitzea.
